Allow me to tell you a story

hrm

2008-11-22T05:27:27Z

I had a fic idea today. If I can write it is another story, and it's been ages since I've even thought of writing a song fic. I hope I can do it justice.

made of fail

2008-09-17T23:46:52Z

So I've completely failed to do much of anything of late. No real surprise there, I had overtime I had to do - don't get me wrong, I love my job - er most of the time, but the mandatory over time once a month on Saturday can really bite.

fanfic: teaser...

2008-09-05T00:42:21Z

I don't know why I'm doing this, I guess for my own sanity, or lack thereof. ~~I really need a good ShiShi icon and possibly a good Kojiro icon. If such things exist.~~ If you cannot find what you want, then make it, I suppose...

This is part of the rewrite I'm working on. The original title I've decided to scrap, but I don't know what I'm going to call it in the meantime.

We'll call this a preview or a teaser, whichever. It's Kojiro point of view, first person present, at this point, Satoshi's 20-21ish, Kojiro is 27. If it needs clarification, please feel free to ask.

“So… what happened to Takeshi and Kasumi?” I ask.

Satoshi makes an expression that only can be described as crestfallen. “Takeshi is off with his boyfriend in the Orange Archipelago. Last I heard they had adopted two little girls and were raising them to the best of their ability.”

He shrugs and looks… melancholy. Alone? When I don’t comment, he continues.

“Kasumi and Hiroshi got married when she realised she was pregnant after the party celebrating my win of the master title. They have a little boy who looks like Hiroshi but has Kasumi’s temperament that they named after me. Kasumi’s pregnant again – she’s due in a few months or so, I guess. They’re running the Hanada City Gym where they have three doting aunties to keep little Satoshi occupied while Mommy and Daddy battle challengers.”

I mull that over a bit. “You know, I always thought you and Kasumi…” I trail off half way suggestively.

I can almost see the mask slip into place. He’s gotten defensive. “Yeah, well, it would have been like marrying my sister.” He shudders expressively, the mask falters just a bit. If he hadn’t grown up before my eyes I might have missed it. “Besides…”

I don’t think he meant to say that and I figure, it’s not like we’re going anywhere in a hurry, I might as well be nosy. “Besides what?”

“Everyone did. Even my mom.” He sighs and then he’s quiet for a moment. “Even me.”

In other randomness, my Roommate is watching the old Shogun and it makes me want to write a psuedo-feudal Japan pokémon fic, but I don't know what I'd do...

~ASG

Okay now...

2008-09-04T00:33:26Z

Two days back to work and I'm already watching for the weekend. Probably not a good sign.

Haven't really had time to write, but I took plenty of time to add a bunch of House MD related communities and icons to my stash and finally update with the Pokémon ones I'd made note of last week.

Maybe after I make the phone calls I have to make I can get some writing in before bed...

~ASG

Well

2008-09-02T01:38:32Z

After my declaration I wasn't going to post anything from my old works... I found myself rewriting one of the old Kojiro/Satoshi pieces I had written.

Go figure.

It's at about 2100 words now. Same point in the original was at 1460.

Considering I've had the worst writer's block for years now, I'm not complaining. I just wish I didn't have to work tomorrow, but after a six day weekend, I'm also not complaining. I went home from work sick last Wednesday, stayed home Thursday, had off Friday, then the weekend and today was a paid holiday.

I just hope I can keep up the writing once I go back to work again.

~ASG

Prompted Writing: Pocket Monsters - 384

2008-08-30T17:42:56Z

Title: Precious Illusions
Author: ASG
Rating: suggestion of consensual relations
Warnings: Shigeru angst; Japanese names/terms used throughout, implied paid relations.
Summary: When you do the right thing for all the wrong reasons it doesn't matter after it's all said and done if you wish you could take it all back. (ETA: For sake of clarification, presume Shigeru won the Indigo League title and this is from his point of view, approximately 11 years after their journeys began.)
Original Prompt: 384 Precious Illusions from all_unwritten
Not beta'ed, sorry.

When you have something you are absolutely certain beyond all else, even your own pride, your own sense of self that you believe you must protect… you discover you’re capable of things you’d never even dreamed. And if that means sacrificing everything you thought of as yourself to preserve someone else’s illusions. You do it.

Even at the tender age of ten.

My parents.

I don’t think Grandfather realised what I’d do. I don’t think I even realised what I’d do. If I’d been smart, if I had trusted my friendship with him. I never would have done what I did. But I had to, to make them proud of me. To be what they wanted me to be. And what I felt, what I thought I felt, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that it was what they wanted for me. To be the best, to be the Master. And that meant…

Crushing Satoshi.

And I did it. I destroyed him.

Now that all is said and done, and it’s irreparable…

All I have is my precious illusions. I’m not where I want to be, I’m not who I want to be, the person I thought I was died years ago. I’m what they wanted, what they made me to be, what I let them turn me into. After all, that’s what a good son does. That’s what the dutiful obedient heir to the Ookido clan does.

Sometimes in the dark of night, when I’m alone. When my discreet companion slides out of the rumpled covers to leave per my instructions. I miss him. And I grieve for what I’ve done, what I could have changed.

I don’t sleep.

The morning breaks angrily with bright flames of sun streaming through opened curtains. I don’t know what day it is, all I know is that I’m in the same rooms that are now my prison. The only way to be free is to be beaten, and the only way out is if he comes and challenges me.

And he won’t. Satoshi won’t. Because his spirit is gone.

Oh at first – yes, I prompted him, provoked him into trying to beat me. I set goals so high he’d have to grow Pigeot wings to reach them. And he did it. Each time I raised the bar, showed him yet another way he was just a failure and he would never be as good as I was, he would blunder and trip and force his way over it.

And I would fall in love with him just that little bit more until…

The phone rings, pulling me out of my reverie. “You have a challenger, Shigeru-sama,” the receptionist’s voice chirps.

I feel empty, like an automaton. Shower, shave, dress, eat. It’s all automatic, I don’t feel the water, I’m not aware I cut myself shaving until someone comments on it, I don’t know what I’m wearing, I didn’t taste the food. My analytical mind takes in the dossier on the challenger without registering the name.

It’s vaguely familiar. I select my monsters methodically. I’m the master, it’s supposed to be hard to beat me. If it was easy, I wouldn’t be trapped here.

All for someone else’s dreams.

~ASG

lookee lookee

2008-08-30T02:30:08Z

Well, perhaps the muses have not vacated as far away as I'd thought. I'd planned to go into work today and do a few hours because I've been out due to illness (mental or otherwise) the last two days and instead I talked myself into stay home and writing.

I now have just over 700 words on something new. It's Shigeru-centric at the moment and hopefully will not do that dastardly "switching back and forth between POV" that I used to be so good at. It's set in old school Indigo League, but oh well. I've already had to make up characters, but I will sing the high praises of bulbapedia, which is refusing to load right now so I can't link to it properly. Oh well. Apparently in my doddering old age, I don't remember the English as well as I thought I did. It's funny to me that I remember the Japanese names better. Totally forgot Hiroshi was Ritchie. Completely. Had a good laugh over it too. Also realised belatedly I don't remember the English pokémon names either - so praises to the Bulbapedia.

I can't wait until I can post this new bit on a comm or something, I miss feedback, good and bad. I remember getting flamed for writing Satoshi and Shigeru as a couple. I always aged them appropriately, but still... I suppose eight years changes a lot of things.

~ASG

new digs

2008-08-29T00:09:54Z

As my profile says, I used to write pokémon fanfiction - it's been long enough I had to stop and think which combination of keys produces é though. I've recently taken a long and length trip down memory lane re-reading my old works and collaborations.

I am not currently friends with anyone I used to write with - which considering most of what we wrote was graphic slash is rather bad form on my end, I suppose. Think about it - sex is pretty revealing, you show sides of yourself in that regards that's usually left for lovers and spouses. I know sort of where they are, but they've moved on, I've moved on. I don't even live in the same place anymore.

I miss writing.

I miss the insane amount of writing I churned out back then. I look at what I pick and hunt through now and I'm ashamed of myself. Yes, things have changed, I have changed a great deal. But I have regrets.

Anyone who tells you they live their life without regrets is lying.

I know better than to be living in the past, to want to relive the past, and yet, here I am with a brand new shiny journal to clean up the silent corners of my mind.

~ASG